Tom

Tom is a single adopter and has adopted two children with additional needs.

He shared his story with us…

“I started thinking about adoption when I was in my 20’s. I was a children’s nurse and my parents fostered - and they still do - so I had a bit more of an understanding about the sector. I also knew that I wanted to adopt a child that had additional needs or learning difficulties. With my background and support network, I felt like it was something that I was able to do.

Starting the process with Adoption Counts

I started the adoption process when I was in my 30’s and I had just bought my first house. It felt right and I had the space for a child.

I was expecting the adoption process to be quite in depth with lots of questions, but that bit for me was relatively easy. I didn’t like all the paperwork you had to do but once that was over and it was regular meetings with the social workers and other adopters that felt really positive. I enjoyed it.

“Adoption for me has changed my life and it’s been so fulfilling. Adopting a child with a disability has been extra rewarding.” - Tom

Adopting a child with additional needs

As I wanted to adopt a child with learning difficulties or a disability, it felt like I had a lot of children to ‘choose’ from. Children with identified additional needs often wait the longest to be adopted and there are sadly lots of them.

When I saw Isaac’s profile I really connected with it. For the past two years I had been working as a children’s nurse in the community, supporting children with needs like Isaac’s. He has complex medical needs, profound learning difficulties and is non-verbal. I had the opportunity to explore adopting other children with less complex needs, but I knew that Isaac would most likely struggle to find an adoptive family and I didn’t want this to be the case.

Meeting Isaac

When I met him Isaac was three years old and he was living in a home for children with additional needs. He sat on my knee and even though he couldn’t talk, I could tell that he relaxed with me. We built a really strong bond very quickly and it was great to see him so happy and content.

On the day he officially moved in with me it had all been so busy up to this point. There are lots of meetings in any adoption, but we had extra with carers visiting from the home and medical staff helping him move in too. Then - I remember they all left - and we just sat down together on the chair and I said to him “right, we’re here now, just us”. And I’ve never looked back since.

Second time adoption

Isaac and I quickly settled into life as dad and son, and in time I felt that I wanted to adopt again, and once again adopt a child with a higher level of needs. The process was much quicker second time around and even better for me, I didn’t have to do much paperwork!

I adopted Nathan when he was three years old too. He has a rare, genetic skin condition that means he needs additional medical support and he shows some signs of mild learning difficulties. He used a walking frame when I first met him, but he’s really excelled and now he runs about the place.

Nathan is in a mainstream school and for me it feels amazing when he bounds out and wants to tell me all about his day. Birth parents can take it for granted that they’re the most important person for a child to tell their news to but, for an adoptive parent, it’s the little milestones of how your relationship builds and trust grows that are really special.

Life with two boys

The boys are both very different but they're both very loving. They'll give each other high fives in the morning and a cuddle. Then, because of their differing needs they have quite different days, but always come back together at the end of them.

They have a strong bond and Nathan looks out for Isaac even though he’s the younger of the two, because of the needs that Isaac has. Isaac is non-verbal but Nathan is quite the opposite and doesn’t stop talking – he talks enough for both of them!

Life with both of them is non-stop. There are challenges to face but I’m lucky that I have a good support network. Me and the boys do lots of nice things together and really enjoy being a family.

Adoption for me has changed my life and it’s been so fulfilling. I hate the thought that children might not get the life opportunities that they deserve because of their disability. Knowing that you’re adopting children that possibly wouldn't get adopted or might be on the waiting list for a very long time is a good feeling.

Adopting my two boys has been so rewarding and I’ve never looked back.”