Natalia and Alex

Natalia and Alex were in their early 40’s when they decided they wanted to start a family. They have been through the adoption process twice.

Natalia shared their story with us.

”I never really wanted kids when I was younger. Then I got to an age where my sister had a little boy and my husband and I really bonded with our nephew, and we thought we might want to change our lives too. We went to the doctors but physically we were both past our peak for fertility and I realised that I wasn’t actually that bothered about being pregnant, I just wanted to have a family with my husband.

We were worried coming into the process as we’d been told it was really intrusive but actually it was fine. Our social worker would come round and ask us lots of questions but they’re just trying to find out what sort of parents you're going to be and what your own experiences are.

Being matched with a little boy

Going into the process we weren’t bothered about having a young baby, but instead put ourselves forward for being matched with a child of toddler age. After being approved we were sent a few profiles but they didn’t feel quite right. When we saw our son’s though for the first time that just felt amazing and we felt an instant connection.

Getting to know Freddie

It was very surreal meeting Freddie for the first time. His foster carers were amazing and he clearly had a great attachment with them which was nice to see, but it was weird thinking that by the end of a ten day handover he’d be living with us.

Our experience was made more difficult by, at the very last minute, Freddie’s birth mum contesting the adoption. It was all resolved in the end but I won’t lie that it was hugely stressful as we’d already begun to get attached to Freddie.

It transpired as well that, not long after Freddie had come home with us, he was actually very unwell. He was crying a lot and had a bloated tummy, which turned out to be symptoms of a form of bowel disease. Freddie needed emergency surgery and to have a stoma fitted.

So although our transition process and getting the adoption order approved wasn’t that smooth, I think Freddie as a result is fairly resilient because he’s been through so many things in life already.

Second time adoption

A few years after adopting Freddie, once we had settled into family life, we decided to adopt again. Freddie was six and Kyra was one when we brought her home, so they’ve known each other most of their lives. When they play together now they play really well. Freddie’s older so he takes charge but equally she argues back and doesn’t take any rubbish off him! They definitely have their moments as all siblings do, but if I’m telling Kyra to not do something, Freddie will be the first to stick up for her.

“Adopting is the best thing we've ever done.

We've got a fantastic family with two lovely children.”

– Natalia and Alex

Meeting with birth family

We met both of our children’s birth mums and I’m so glad we did. With Freddie’s birth mum especially she was so lovely to us. When we met her she brought extra pictures of Freddie as a baby and thanked us for taking care of him. She’d clearly had a tough life and it goes to show that you can’t judge people. Some people need help with how to be parents and nobody gets it right, and you have to consider what people have been through.

Accessing post adoption support

At matching panel one of the questions asked was around there being a history of depression in the birth family and how we would manage this. Now Freddie is approaching his teenage years he’s struggling with his mental health, but in some ways at least we had an insight into what we could maybe expect. You don’t get this when you have birth children but they can still have really similar issues.

Freddie is such a lovely boy: he’s kind, caring and fantastic with animals. We just want to be able to help him and it’s distressing for him when he just wants to stop his negative thoughts but can’t.

He has an EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plan) at school and we are on a waiting list in CAHMS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). We have been on a number of the Adoption Counts training courses and are on a waiting list for specialist counselling for him.

Our daughter Kyra is very different and so far doesn’t seem to have any of these concerns but every adopted child is different, just like every birth child is different.

A message for prospective adopters

Adopting is the best thing we've ever done. We've got a fantastic family with two lovely children. Every family has got stuff going on - whether you're adopted or not - but it's just such fun. We go to new places, we do different things, we have met new friends and have a bigger group of friends than before, because of having a family. Our children are just incredible and I don’t think we would have had as good a life if we hadn’t adopted.”