Andrew and Ailsa

Andrew and Ailsa decided to begin the adoption process in their late 30’s. They adopted their son when he was one and shared their experience of meeting with his birth family.

Andrew told us more about their journey.

“We got married in our late 30’s and not long after started trying to get pregnant. After a few years of not conceiving naturally we looked into IVF but realised our chances of being successful were quite low.

Personally, I always had quite a positive view of adoption, as my mum was adopted herself. She has always known she was adopted and I feel lucky that she was as her adoptive parents - my Grandma and Granddad – are amazing.

Starting their adoption journey with Adoption Counts

When we started enquiring about adoption we’d just moved to a new area, so it was recommended that we settled in first and built our support network locally. Ailsa had also suffered from depression when she was younger so she was encouraged to access counselling before beginning the process.

So overall it took longer than I expected and at the time it felt frustrating as we were so ready to be parents, but now I know more about adoption I also understand it’s all done in the best interests of the children who are waiting.

Once we’d completed the recommended steps however, we were put on a fast track, and it didn’t take long until we were approved.

Family finding and meeting Carlson

Once we had been approved we started the family finding process. It was emotionally difficult as there were so many children waiting to find adoptive families. They had varying needs but they all needed a loving home. We felt like we wanted to say ‘yes’ to all of them.

Our social worker knew us well, and it was suggested that we would be a good match for our son, Carlson, who was one. He’d been removed from his birth family when he was a few days old and had been living with foster carers.

When we first met him the foster carer had done a lot to prepare him, and we’d sent him videos and some toys, so he was so excited to see us. And then just like that, our lives changed in an instant. The transitions went so well that after just over a week he was living with us.

“I’d say to anyone thinking about adopting that although the process can be long and hard, with so many children in need it’s absolutely worth it.

There’s so much joy to be found in adoption.”

– Andrew and Ailsa

Meeting with birth family

We were encouraged by the social workers to meet with Carlson’s birth family a little while after he’d been placed with us, and I’m so glad we did. Carlson’s birth father had a medical condition that meant he couldn’t look after Carlson himself and was positive about the adoption.

Carlson’s birth mum appealed against the adoption but he was her fourth child to be removed from her care. She loved her children but her living situation meant it wasn’t safe for them to stay with her. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have your children removed but meeting them helped us build empathy with them both.

We still write to Carlson’s birth family once a year through the Keeping in Touch team. His mum writes back and has told us that they still celebrate his birthday every year and think of him. Plus we have contact with his half-sibling who has also been adopted by using tools like video messaging.

As I see it, Carlson's lucky in a way that he's adopted because he's got two families that love him, not just one. We’ll support him with whatever he wants to do in terms of meeting his birth family as he gets older as we know it’s the right thing for him.

Family life

Carlson is now seven and I've never known a child to be so popular. He has some great friends at school and every day he amazes us with the new things he learns, and how he’s developing.

I’d say to anyone thinking about adopting that although the process can be long and hard, with so many children in need it’s absolutely worth it. There’s so much joy to be found in adoption.”