Becky and Krish

Becky and Krish were in their 40s when they decided to start a family through adoption. They welcomed their little boy, Oscar, when he was 11 months old.

Becky shared more about their adoption journey with us.

“When we first got together I told Krish that I didn’t want to have children, but I knew that he did. We’d been together for years and always maintained this but we used to check-in with each other every six months just to ensure we were still on the same page.

As the years went on I started to change my mind. I just knew that Krish was going to be an amazing dad and I didn’t want to deny him the chance to be. So at one of these check-ins, not long after my 40th birthday, we realised we both wanted to start a family. I was never keen on the idea of being pregnant so didn’t want to try naturally, and importantly we share a similar world view that adoption was a good thing to do.

Starting Stage 1 with Adoption Counts

Both Krish and I have worked with young people and vulnerable groups. We knew people who had adopted and seen that they’d come into challenges, but we also saw the life that young people were given thanks to adoption.

Despite having our eyes open coming into the process it still felt terrifying! We were anxious about how we would be perceived and wanted to be successful. The training itself was quite harrowing and some bits were incredibly difficult to hear. It’s rightfully full on and intense but it does take it out of you – we were knackered!

The thing that really struck me though were the guests that came on. There was an amazing foster carer on one call who spoke with such warmth about how their lives had changed immeasurably.  Even though it was years ago I still think about them now.

Completing Stage 2 of the adoption process

I will never forget our first meeting with our social worker. Both Krish and I were on edge already and when she came through the door, our dog jumped up and licked her on the face! We thought our dog would be marked down as dangerous and that we had immediately failed! Of course this wasn’t the case but the process made us feel very anxious – it’s not every day you have a social worker sat on your sofa after all – and it felt like a big deal.

As we got to know our social worker though she was just incredible. We had a genuinely brilliant experience. Every session we had with her was intense and she didn’t give anything away apart from the odd wry smile. We’d both had therapy before and I think that was helpful as some of the discussions were challenging and covered tricky conversations, but they reinforced positive aspects of ourselves too.

Along with our regular sessions came what felt like a lot of paperwork, and some of it around things like finances and ex-partners felt quite invasive. None of it felt unjustified but it did feel like quite a lot at the time.

In the sessions with our social worker we also talked about matching criteria. We were relaxed on ethnicity: Krish is Indian and I’m White British but have Black Caribbean and mixed heritage members of my family. Ultimately we tried to think about what we could give to a child and kept our criteria open.

Being matched

After being approved at panel we were sent lots of profiles. It was perhaps the most difficult part of the whole process as you want to be able to scoop up all these children and give them a family, but you have to think about you at this point and challenge yourself to say no. Once again our social worker was brilliant in helping us make the right decisions.

When we read Oscar’s profile both our hearts stated racing. There were so many coincidences and connections between us and it sounds cheesy, but we felt like he was perfect for us. After what felt like a rollercoaster of emotions thankfully we were selected and not long after being matched we met Oscar for the first time. Krish picked him up and spun him over his head and it felt like the bond between us was there instantly.

Oscar’s foster carers were really encouraging of us and although the transition period felt weird and a bit overwhelming it was also an absolutely brilliant, wonderful experience.

“Adopting Oscar is the best thing that we've ever done.

It's added to our life, made us stronger in our relationship and connected our families in a way that is really beautiful to see.”

- Becky and Krish

Life with Oscar

Oscar was 11 months old when we brought him home. I think the first moment when I really remember feeling like was a mum was when I picked him up ready for a bath and he wee’d all over me. That was it from there on!

Now he’s three and a half he’s such a little dude. He's just brilliant. We don’t see any differences in him compared to our friends with biological children, but we read books to him about different families and will always tell him about being adopted. As he gets older I know his adoption story might impact him but he’s such a beautifully kind little boy with an amazing spirit: we’re here to champion him to ensure that he is still that bubbly kid who's resilient and able to deal with his past.

A message for others considering adoption

Adopting Oscar is the best thing that we've ever done. It's added to our life, made us stronger in our relationship and connected our families in a way that is really beautiful to see. There's something special about adopting: by giving a child the best opportunity you possibly can, you do something amazing not just for them, but for you too.”