Jon and Vincenzo
Jon and Vincenzo adopted a sibling group of three with Adoption Counts.
They shared their journey to becoming parents with us.
“Originally we never thought we wanted to adopt. We knew we wanted children, so looked into surrogacy, but then decided it wasn’t for us. We’d heard a lot of negativity around adoption – namely that it was an interfering process where you’re heavily judged – so going into it we were a bit wary. It was very clear though after our first session with our social worker that this wasn’t the case. Our social worker was supportive, kind and we immediately felt comfortable.
Starting the adoption process
Once we began the adoption process we actually found it quite therapeutic. It might sound cliché, but it was empowering - it helped prepare us for what was ahead. It also made us reflect deeply and remember things about ourselves. We learned that the negative experiences in our past, which we feared might make us ineligible for adoption, could actually be seen in a different light. If you've been through something difficult, it might mean you're better equipped to support a child if they ever face something similar.
Family finding and panel
While we were in Stage 2 of the process we got an email from our social worker asking to meet us. We thought this was weird – as we were due to meet up the following week anyway – so we knew something was up. Then when we talked with her she started the conversation with “so guys, at the beginning of the process when I asked you about the amount of children you would consider adopting…” and we said “stop it right there because we know where you’re going with this!”. We’d talked about adopting two, but maybe three children, but we weren’t sure we could do it emotionally, financially and everything else that comes with it.
But our social worker said she had the perfect match for us. So we discussed it, and kept talking about it, and then she pulled the photo card! And once we’d seen the three siblings that were to become our children the rest is history. It still felt like we had a long way to go – we had to be approved not just as adopters but now for three children – and even then it didn’t necessarily mean the children would come to our care.
So going to panel felt extremely overwhelming. We had butterflies of excitement but also apprehension. Thankfully it all went fine, we were approved for three children and overall it took a about a year from starting with Adoption Counts to having our children placed with us.
“Adopting siblings feels totally incredible.
It feels like a big privilege to be able to adopt: to be able to create a family and share your love.”
- Jon and Vincenzo
Adopting siblings
Our children are three siblings – two boys and one girl. They’re all close in age and when we adopted them they were 1, 2 and 4. When we first met them we went to a soft play centre and got to play with them for about an hour. They walked through the door and our hearts were in our throats, and when they left we just burst into tears. Even now talking about it brings tears to our eyes: it was just the most beautiful moment. Our hearts melted there and then.
Over the next month we started spending more time with them, and they called us ‘Daddy’ and ‘Papa’ straight away. Once they’d moved in with us it felt so natural and they were honestly so good – eating well, sleeping well and straight into a routine. But then we also vividly remember having a conversation together where we said we just felt like we were looking after them, rather than being a family. But, in time, our relationship with them grew and they started to feel like our children. We remember when they started to voluntarily say “I love you Daddy and Papa”, rather than just “I love you too”, and that just made us feel on top of the world. We felt like the luckiest people alive.
There was one night though, when our children had been with us for a while and we were putting our eldest son to bed, and he turned round and asked “where am I going next?”. It broke our hearts to hear that he still felt so insecure but, after all he’d been through, it took him a while to trust that his home with us was permanent. We reassured him that “this is us, forever”, although at the back of his mind you could tell it took him a while to feel convinced. Now there’s no problem: all the children know this is forever.
Having each other as siblings definitely helped them settle in with us. Once they felt fully secure and started to be cheeky and answer back like children do, we were so proud! We knew then that felt like fully confident that they were truly home.
The gift that keeps giving
We’re very transparent with the children about their life story. As two dads it’s very obvious that we never carried them and although we tell them the truth about their background, they’re too young to fully understand – at one point one of our children thought they grew in their 83-year-old Great Nan’s belly! We never met with their birth family as it was deemed unsafe to do so at the time, but we talk to them about them and always say that they were loved very much, just their birth parents were not in a position to look after them.
Adopting siblings feels totally incredible. It feels like a big privilege to be able to adopt: to be able to create a family and share your love. This feels more so as two dads, as we’re living in times where this sort of thing is allowed and indeed respected. Thirty years ago we would never have been allowed to make our family in this way. But now we’re not questioned, judged or even looked at negatively. In fact, when we sit down at a restaurant or whatever, we’re often approached by people to comment on our children’s lovely manners rather than anything else.
Adoption for us has just been beautiful. It really has been the gift that keeps giving. Every bedtime when we kiss them goodnight we just think, “thank you universe”. Adoption has filled our hearts with enormous joy and pride.
